A Personal Response to: Faith Hope and Carnage by Nick Cave and Sean O'Hagan

It's a long time since I've written a book review. My short term memory has been shot since I was ill, I think 2 years ago, although I'm not entirely sure. Since being ill - Kidney Cancer and the return of the Polyarteritis Nodosa, - I've stopped writing almost completely. I've also almost completely stopped reading. Anything and everything. But recently - perhaps the last few months I've begun to try and pick up my reading and writing again. It was a terrible time. I've written something about it here. Anyway, briefly, Faith, Hope and Carnage, proclaims to be a conversation between Nick Cave and Sean O'Hagan. But in reality it is a series of conversations that took place over an extended period of time during the lockdowns from Covid 19 between 2000 and 2001, in the UK. I've not bought any of Nick Cave's recent albums, barely even heard them, since Push the Sky Away. But when I heard about the book, my interest in him re-emerged. Iona bought the book for me at Christmas and it lay patiently for me till I decided to make another effort to actually complete a book. That was quite some time ago. At least 2 months anyway. So I've completed it! Today! At last! I think the reason why I've not been able to read or write anything since this latest bout of illness is because we are still in a state of trauma. And with the amputation of my right knee - and the realisation that I'm never gonna walk again. I am now a permanent and full time wheelchair user. We are still reeling from what happened. And I think what drew me to the book is Nick Cave's own loss - the accidental death of Arthur - his 15 year old son - in Brighton. He writes about it quite openly. He has said somewhere, 'If we love, we grieve.' And in the Afterword, written by Sean O'Hagan I read that Nick had lost his oldest son Jethro - who died in Australia. Such loss. Too much to bare. So something about his words resonated with me. I wanted to know more. Actually I want to know how to grieve. I think I've been holding on to what I've lost for so long I don't know. I don't have the words, I don't have anything. I'm just holding on to something - the bit of me that's left - knowing and also not knowing what I / we have lost. As I was reading the book I thought about sending a letter with a question to the Red Right Hand Files. That seemed like a place to start to put the broken pieces of my life back together. And although many of the letters written to Nick are genuine and sincere, and Nick's replies are often thoughtful and empathic. Sometimes insightful and wise, I just didn't feel comfortable writing about what we have lost, what I have lost. Such a huge public display of grief and the distict possibility of being completely ignored, would have been just to hard to bare. Click here to buy Faith, Hope and Carnage by Nick Cave and Sean O'Hagan Click here to visit the Red Hand Files