People’s praise is overwhelming. Wide smiles full of shock and surprise, sometimes mixed with pride, or sympathy or wonder and disbelief, terrifies me.
Praise is like a mirror in which I see myself through others eyes.
It is a false reflection.
Belief in it would destroy me.
Even writing about it maybe dangerous.
In those looks and words of praise, I see my tightrope walk each day and the bottomless chasms that open up on either side of me. I’m frightened of losing my balance and falling far to earth.
It’s the feeling of vertigo that recurs in my dreams.